Rant

Chuvaness said that one shouldn’t share negative things online but I can’t help. 

You know how my motto is ‘Sharing is Caring’ and I’m totally an advocate for that. Share what you have and the Universe will return it ten-fold.
I lend money to family and friends and I don’t expect that they will pay me back.
And truth be told – no one paid me back.

But you know, that’s ok. No friendship or family relationship was broken because of that.
I understand why people can’t pay.
I hold no grudge.

But you know what pains me?
When I feel abused. 

People that I have no close relationship with start messaging me and asking for money.
Most of the time, its to pay off their own debt.
They’re being harassed by their creditors.

I understand that’s its a difficult situation.
I once been into several credit card debts.
The only difference is that I never asked anyone to save me.|
I took a personal loan to pay off my credit card and change my money mindset.

Should I just consider myself blessed that I am not in their situation and just give and lend money to them?

It’s easier to say no if the person is asking for hundred thousand pesos. I can easily say that I don’t have that enough cash.
But if they are just asking for a few thousand then it’s difficult. 

And I’m irritated with myself since I can’t do anything.
I feel guilty for not lending them.
Cause I know I have the money. I have spare to give them.
All the time I will end up sending the money.

Giving money should make you feel good right?
But I’m not feeling generous actually, instead I feel abused.

How many times that Gibson and I gave money and instead of thank you, I heard that what we gave is lower than they expected.
You thought that your dear family member will be happy receiving 500 dhs from you but actually they felt bad because they expected 1k dhs instead.

What the fuck?

I am torn on what to think about the whole situation.

Should I be more giving. Expect nothing in return.
Share more and just feel thankful that I have a capacity to give.

Or should I set boundaries and say NO more often?
Money doesn’t grow on trees anyways.

I hate this feeling. It makes me depressed.
I feel like a bad person for even thinking of not giving money.
The guilt is what’s taking a toll of me.

How I wish I can just be an insensitive bitch who doesn’t care of what people think.
But the problem is I always care what people thinks.

And since I’m sad, I now have the reason to finish that bottle of wine sitting on the pantry waiting to be opened.